The Ugly Truth About Bullying

                    

 Let's talk about something that hits close to home. Bullying. Some of you may not know how to read the signs. I certainly understand. Especially when you have a teenager that hides away all day. I don't, yet, have one of these. But I was one.

On the other hand, some of you may not know how to talk about it. I will be covering both of these topics today.

First of all, let's talk about what it is. Bullying is when things like exclusion happen, physical interactions take place, lies and rumors are spread, threats are made, verbal abuse and teasing, and there's cyberbullying.

Now, I know you don't want to be plowed by statistics. So, for further reading in this area, I copied this link: http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/category/bullying-statistics
These numbers are pretty high.

Let's go over each type of bullying now.
1. Exclusion - this is when a person is being ignored, left out on purpose, or they aren't allowed to join in.
2. Physical - this includes being hit, kicked, or pushed around.
3. Lies and Rumors - Lies or nasty stories are told about someone to make other kids not like them.
4. Threats - someone is being made fun or teased in a mean and hurtful way.
5. Cyberbullying - This is a form of internet bullying. It causes lasting harm to young people. It is the use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically, by sending messages of an intimidating or threatening nature.

There are many other types of bullying, but I feel these are the most common.

Now, let's talk about the signs of your child being a victim.
1. Your child may come home with torn or damaged clothes or items.
2. Your child may only have a few friends if any.
3. He/She frequently comes up with excuses to avoid things.
4. They may seem afraid to go to school or do anything with peers.
5. They may have lost interest in things that they favored before.
6. Your child may seem sad, moody, or depressed after school.
7. Some kids may have trouble sleeping.
8. They might experience a loss of appetite.
9. They may suffer from low self-esteem and seem anxious.

Here are some ways to get your child to speak with you about bullying.
1. "I've heard a lot about bullying in the news. Is it happening at your school?"
2. I'm worried about you. Is anyone picking on you or are you being bullied?"
3. "Is anyone teasing you in a mean way?"
4. "Do you play with others on the playground? Are you being left out on purpose?"

Honestly, just asking about their day could be enough to get them to open up. I ask my daughter, who is 7, every day on our walk home. If she doesn't answer, I ask about each subject. "How was P.E.?" I ask her, "Did you play with <insert classmate name here> today at recess?" Sometimes, it is just enough to know you care.


Here's how to know if your child is the bully.
1. Your child may display signs of having trouble sleeping.
2. They may be impulsive, easily frustrated, lack of empathy toward others, and have a history of discipline problems.
3. They could be getting into trouble at school for fighting or acting dominant or aggressive with other kids.
4. If your child is obsessed with popularity, they may be excluding other kids or acting in a hostile way toward them.
5. They may hang out with other kids who show aggressive behavior or are mean-spirited.
6. There is violence in the home. (This goes for victims also.)

How do you deal with your child bullying others?
1. Try to find the source of their anger. Is there something happening at school? Home? If it's a repeat incident, are there impulse control or anger management issues?
2. Instill empathy and help them understand the power of their actions and words. here is an awesome story to use: https://www.attn.com/stories/10786/woman-uses-toothpaste-teach-daughter-lesson-about-bullying
3. Ask the child how they would feel if someone treated them or their sibling this way.
4. Role play the situation. This way the child can learn the appropriate way to deal with it.

A helpful tip for either situation:
Make sure you talk with the teacher(s) on a regular basis. Statistically, students do better in school when there is parent involvement. The teacher(s) may see more than you think and can tell you what they see.

Cyberbullying, on the other hand, is tough to deal with because once it's out there you can't take it back. With Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and many other types of social media, it puts cyberbullying at an all-time high. This is more likely to happen with teens. Here is where I would break my child's trust if I fear it happening and they won't tell me about it.

1. Keep track of their social media pages. (My mom let my brother create a Facebook page with an email she had control over and she had to have his password.)
2. Use a tracking app. (My dad did this with me, I hated it at the time. As a parent now, I understand.)
3. There are many apps out there, some for free, that you can track your child's text messages to your email. Even after they delete them from their phone.

Now, I said to break their trust. Honestly, I didn't get a phone until I turned 15. I was driving myself around and my parents want to have easy contact with me. I couldn't use social media until I was an adult. They knew the risks of it and I was already bullied. I was grateful because it would have been worse had I done so.


Doing these things doesn't mean you don't trust them. It means you love them. You are worried about them and don't trust others. I am glad my family kept a watchful eye on me while I still got the freedom of being a teenager.

Another useful tip. Have them turn their phones over to you at night or turn off the WIFI.

It is easy to say that life gets in the way, but, no matter, you should always be involved with your child's life and education. I love walking to school with my oldest because it gives her time with me away from her little sisters. She is more likely to talk with me then. Play a game with your child, sit down and listen. Don't even talk. Listen to how they play with their toys in their room. When she was in daycare at 4, this is how I learned about her days. I wouldn't even be in the same room. I turned off the t.v. and acted like I was reading. She would even use the kid's names from her class.

      

No one said that being a parent was easy. I just hope this helps someone. If you have anything to add, please feel free to leave a comment. I do my best to reply to them all.
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