A Guide to Effective Parenting: How To Raise Your Kids to Be Responsible

I am back from my sabbatical, everyone. Sorry I was gone for so long. With spring break and Easter, March was very busy for me as I am sure it was for you.

I want to get started on a weekly course over the next few weeks. I came across a book that I would highly recommend to any parent. Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) by Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay.

Let's get down to it. The tips from here on out will work MOST of the time. Making good choices HAS to be LEARNED, just like anything else. There is no 100% effective way to parent. But I am here to tell you, this helps.

Our world is filled with kids that can't figure out right from wrong, or they feel like they can't do things for themselves. It is up to us, as their parents to teach them how to do things and know the difference.

When you were a kid, did you ever tell yourself or your friends that when you have your own kids, you will never raise them and discipline them the same way you were growing up?

I sure did. Here is a newsflash for most of you though. Whether we like it or not,  we tend to raise our kids how we were raised.

There are several types of parents out there. I am sure your parents were one of them.

1. The Helicopter Parent 

       This is the parent that protects their child from E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. They hover over their child. They rescue them whenever trouble arises. They protect them from every growing experience that the child needs.

       Children raised this way struggle later on in adulthood while trying to figure everything out. They don't know how to handle the challenges of life. They will learn the hard way that they can't bail out of trouble or responsibilities. How will they handle getting a traffic ticket, missing overdue bills, getting fired at work, taxes? No one will be there to bail them out. What happens then?

2. The Turbo-Attack Helicopter Parent

      These parents strive to show their kids a perfect world. One in which their child doesn't have to face disappointment, inconvenience, struggle, or feel discomfort. These kids look good on paper: high grades, awards, honors, etc. Parents want their kids to have every advantage, things are swept under the rug. 

    In the end, character and attitude are what is important. Not what is on their transcripts. Kids gain this character through overcoming struggles and learning through them. Not by being protected.

3. Drill Sergeant Parent

      These parents believe in controlling everything their children do. There is only one way to fold a towel. Is there really?  They believe kids need to be disciplined and told what to do. When they speak to their kids, words are full of I told you so or put-downs. 

      

      Kids suffer because they don't know how to think for themselves. They eventually rebel because they don't want to hear their parents voice in their heads making decisions for them. They have been ordered around and have become dependent on the parents. When the kids were younger and the pressure from peers was not so heavy, they never got to learn how to make the decision for themselves. These kids tend to be followers, again, because they can't think for themselves.

Finally, we have....

4. The Laissez-Faire Parent

        This type of parent could be unsure of how to handle their kids, or they have become confused by all the "advice" on parenting. So, they decide to let their kids raise themselves. They sit back and let kids dictate. They want to be their child's best friend and that it's important to preserve that relationship.

        This is a cop-out or misunderstanding of our parental responsibilities.

I am ashamed to say I have been all of these types of parents. I was raised as an army brat, so of course, I was raised by at least one drill sergeant parent. I want, like all parents, the best for my kids. So, I am a helicopter parent. And then, there are days that I give up and just don't care because everything I do just isn't working. The Laissez-Faire parent, I am. 

Here is the answer you came here to get.

The most effective type of parenting is....

The Consulting Parent

         This is the parent that asks questions and gives choices. They establish options while hanging onto the boundaries. This kind of parenting is the goal. I have used it for two weeks now and even my 2-year-old is making better decisions. We must maintain those boundaries in order to help our kids understand that they are responsible for those decisions and that there are consequences. Ask them "What could you have done instead?" Instead of saying "Why did you do that? What were you thinking?" If they won't sit at the table and eat dinner, "Well, I can take your plate and we can get ready for bed now or you can eat at the table and talk with us about your day." If they won't clean their room, "Would you like to clean your room or sell a toy to hire me to clean it."

      

        More than likely, they will clean instead of losing a toy. If they choose to sell a toy, then they can choose the toy or opt for you to choose the toy. If they are older and want to borrow money, make them set something up with you for collateral (ex. game console, tv, stereo, headphones, etc.).

        When they are struggling with something, don't just take it and do it for them. Ask "Are you having a hard time? Would you like me to show you how to do it this time so you can do it on your own next time?" This works when they want to make their own PB&J sandwich, peel an orange, build something from Legos, or most other instances. 

         Kids like to do things by themselves, but they don't always know how to go about it. They like feeling independent so they can tell you, "Look, mom, look what I did." We need to give them the tools and knowledge to do this.

         We are trying to set up instances where they can be responsible and take ownership of their behaviors. When kids get older, they will already know how to make decisions on their own instead of being a follower like a drill sergeant kid or know how to take rejection, unlike the helicopter kids.

Do not argue with them. This is key. Here are some one-liners that you can use:

1. "I love you too much to argue."
2. "I know."
3. "What did I say?"
4. "I argue at 6:00 AM on Saturdays."
5. "Aren't you glad that I don't believe that?"

Check out the article on "Going Brain Dead": http://goo.gle/pteXkh

Now, I will tell you that it is difficult trying to change our ways. I have had a few fallbacks during my two weeks. It takes patience and work.  Give kids the opportunity to fail, so next time, they can succeed and learn from their mistakes. If we do everything for them, they will never learn how to be independent thinkers and doers. They will always be looking for a bailout or someone to tell them what to do. What happens when it is time to send them out into the world alone? I, for one, want my kid to be able to figure out how to succeed in life. Start their own business. Buy their own vehicle. Fix the kinks in that vehicle. Change the tire. I definitely don't want to be called, "Mom, I got a ticket today. Can you pay it for me?" Not when they are 25 or 30 years old, for sure. 

Most of the stuff I am doing with this now, I have done in the past. But I have moved, had more kids, gotten busy, and forgotten. I started getting overwhelmed and someone told me about this book. I feel like I am getting back on track with my life and my kids. 

Patience is key during this. Yes, it takes longer to get your kids to make the decision or do the task, but I don't want them to grow up and be reliant on me. They will get further and be happier when they learn to do things for themselves. They will feel proud of themselves when they finally achieve the goals they set before themselves. 

Let me know how you feel about this topic. Are you all for it or not at all interested? We, as parents, forget the importance of our roles in our kids' lives. It is our job to raise them into respectable and responsible adults.

Resources:
www.planetaenvivo.com
Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) by Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay.

Mask Beneath Her Face by Rafael Chandler

Publication Date: October 14, 2017

Genre: Horror/ Thriller

Blurb:

During the 1980s, slashers terrorized America. With

machetes and masks, these unstoppable killers

stalked college campuses, quiet suburbs, and

lakeside cabins.

Thirty years ago, Bobbi Metzger survived a massacre

at her 16th birthday party. She spent decades

putting her life back together.

Tonight, Bobbi will face a new killer: a high-tech

slasher hell-bent on opening the doorway to an

abyss of unimaginable horror.

How long can Bobbi survive this nightmare? What

will she do to protect the people she loves? How

much blood is she willing to spill?

Excerpt

Bobbi Metzger wrenched the hatchet from her boyfriend's skull. In a few minutes, Bobbi thought, I will kill her,
or she will kill me. Either way, this is going to be over soon.
She lurched across the room. Blood-soaked carpet squished under her feet. Red droplets slid down and dripped from
the handmade banner over the doorway: Happy Birthday, Bobbi!
July 1st, 1987, was supposed to be the greatest night of her life. With their parents out of town, Bobbi and her sister
had invited everybody to the lake house, and they'd more or less trashed the place.
Bobbi stepped over a dead body: a girl in acid-washed jeans and a Noid t-shirt. Bobbi didn't recognize her. One of
Megan's friends.
The TV was still on. There was a video on MTV, some new band called Guns N' Roses. Bobbi's sister, Megan, had
switched loyalty from Def Leppard to these guys, because she thought their singer was hot. "I'd feel his serpentine,
anytime."
"Those guys are all gross," Bobbi had said. "Rob Lowe's cute, though."
Megan had pretended to gag.
Thick drops of blood dotted the red icing on Bobbi's cake. A birthday card was propped up next to the cake, and the
message was scrawled in Megan's loopy handwriting: POP THAT CHERRY, BOBBI!
If Bobbi turned her head just a little bit, she would see Megan pinned to the wall with a fireplace poker through her
mouth, blood dripping from the band of her polka-dotted Swatch. Bobbi didn't look. She took another tentative step.
You can do it. You have to. If you don't, you're dead, like everyone else. No choice.
She stepped around the table in the middle of the room.
Heart pounding, Bobbi peeked into the kitchen. Nothing. She looked behind her.
On the couch, Bobbi's boyfriend Kevin stared at her blankly, the hatchet wound like a vertical grin in his forehead.
He wore a CONTRA t-shirt. Kevin spent most of his money down at Galaxy, the arcade at the mall, plugging quarters
into games like Contra and Rastan.
Last night, Kevin had tried to protect Bobbi, throwing himself at the woman in black; but she had plucked the
hatchet from his hand and buried it in his skull, so quickly that Bobbi wasn't sure it had happened at all.
Then the killer had grinned at Bobbi while Kevin slumped backwards onto the couch, the axe handle sticking out of
his skull. Bobbi tried to scream, but couldn't make a sound.
Seven hours later, she was still trying to scream.
She caught a glimpse of herself in hallway mirror; she'd aged thirty years in a single night. The side of her face was
swollen and sunrise-hued, crusted with dark blood.
Suddenly dizzy from pain and blood loss, she stumbled into the kitchen and banged her shin on a keg of beer. She
froze, eyes wide. The killer heard that. She's going to grab me and rip my face off. Hell, she's probably right behind
me. Bobbi turned to look. Nothing.
Carefully stepping around the keg, Bobbi tiptoed into the kitchen. Lipstick-stained cigarette butts spilled out of
ashtrays; empty cans of Coors Light huddled around the sink. Hell of a party, Bobbi thought.
Last night, Bobbi had very nearly taken her first sip of beer, and had (more or less) made up her mind to lose her
virginity to Kevin before the sun came up.
But around midnight, someone had emerged from the woods, right in the middle of Bobbi's sweet-sixteen festivities.
A woman in dark rags, clutching rusty knives, muttering nonsensical words.
A killer.

Hands trembling, Bobbi eased the kitchen drawer open. She paused, listening intently. Nothing. She sniffed the air.
Nothing.
Okay, make it quick. And quiet.
She pocketed a couple of lighters and a book of matches, then snuck out the door, onto the porch. The sun was
coming up.
Her face throbbed where the killer had tried to cut her face off. She had sliced Bobbi from ear to jaw; Bobbi
squirmed free and bolted for the woods.
She thought about running. Then Katie Harper ran past her, into the woods, still naked from skinny-dipping, her
hands covered in blood and her mouth open impossibly wide in a keening wail, and then Katie must have stumbled into
some kind of trap, because a massive wooden spike jabbed straight up out of a pile of leaves and went straight through
Katie's torso, impaling her in mid-stride, and she twitched silently for a few minutes as she hung there.
So Bobbi didn't run.
The police car was still parked in front of the lake house, doors wide open. Someone must have called 911 before
the phone line got cut. Crouching behind their car, the cops had opened fire on the killer, and in return, she had
scattered bits of them all over the lawn.
Bobbi stepped over a cop's leg. Sunlight glinted on ripples in the lake, but there was no movement on the shore. Just
mangled skinny-dippers.
Could get into the police car, maybe grab the radio, and push some buttons. Tell the other police to come quickly.
But no. She'd die waiting for the cops. And if she escaped this alive, she'd never sleep again. She'd go insane
waiting for the killer to find her.
She won't just let me go. I saw her face.
And she wants me dead.
Sunlight glinted off a cops watch; the cops arm, which lay next to an empty bottle of bourbon, had been hacked off
just above the elbow.
From the ragged stump, a drop of blood floated up, like a dandelion seed. Bobbi stared, bewildered. Other drops
beaded up on the torn flesh and cracked bone, and they drifted up into the air, weightless.
Bobbi shook her head. Was she hallucinating? Same thing happened last night, she thought, just before the killer
grabbed me. When she's near, blood floats like we're in outer space. Or maybe I've lost my mind.
Faster now, Bobbi staggered down the gravel path. It veered off the driveway, then split, one end curving over lush
grass to the boathouse, and the other sloping down to the lake. She trudged to shore, then gently stepped onto the
fishing pier.
Nothing on the shore behind her, no movement in the woods, nothing in the windows of the house. Maybe she's
gone. But no, the killer wasn't going to give up, sunlight be damned. She would follow Bobbi.

She had to follow Bobbi, in order for this plan to work...

Add to Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36456476-mask-beneath-her-face

If you love 80’s slasher flicks like Friday the 13 th or Sleepaway Camp, this book’s for you!
Warning: This book contains extreme gore and violence. Not for the faint of heart!

About the Author

Rafael Chandler writes novels (Hexcommunicated, The Astounding Antagonists), video games (SOCOM
4, Rainbow Six: Lockdown, MAG), and tabletop role-playing games (Teratic Tome, Lusus Naturae). He is a
metalhead, a kaijuphile, and a gorehound.

Purchase link: https://www.amazon.com/Mask-Beneath- Face-Rafael- Chandler-
ebook/dp/B076GT2XXC/ref=asap_bc

Author site: http://www.rafaelchandler.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rafaelchandler

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rafael_chandler

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/797404.Rafael_Chandler

Giveaway: Enter for your chance to win a print copy of Mask Beneath Her Face or 1 of 5 digital copies

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My Sweet Friend By Helene Andrea Leuschel

My Sweet Friend by H.A. Leuschel Blog Tour

Publication Date: December 6, 2017

Genre: Contemporary Fiction/ Women's Fiction

Synopsis:

A stand-alone novella from the author of Manipulated Lives
A perfect friend … or a perfect impostor?
Alexa is an energetic and charismatic professional and the new member of a Parisian PR company where she quickly befriends her colleagues Rosie and Jack. She brings a much-needed breath of fresh air into the office and ambitiously throws herself into her new job and friendships.
But is Alexa all she claims to be?
As her life intertwines with Rosie and Jack’s, they must all decide what separates truth from fiction. Will the stories that unfold unite or divide them? Can first impressions ever be trusted?
In this original novella, H.A. Leuschel evokes the powerful hold of appearances and what a person is prepared to do to keep up the facade. If you like thought-provoking and compelling reads with intriguing characters, My Sweet Friend is for you.

MY SWEET FRIEND by H.A. Leuschel

Hello and thank you very much for inviting me to …
Lying is a symptom shared by the most convincing, cunning and ruthless individuals such as psychopaths and narcissistic manipulators. They have an invincible sense of self-importance and an addictive urge to project an image of power and perfection at all cost which are fuelled by the rewarding tools of charm, diversion and … clever deception. Like anything in life, whether the skill is morally laudable or not, skills require training, effort and hard work. The danger lies in the brain progressively adapting to the dishonest behaviour and the longer the lies, the harder it would seem to be able to change the conditioning of one’s sensitivity to telling the truth. The truth and nothing but the truth or at the very least the intention to do so most of the time therefore appears to be a basic requirement for any interpersonal trust. In my new stand-alone novella, I explore the idea that when crossing the line between truth or lie too often, it becomes a curse the person is eventually unable to shed …

Excerpt

I was brushing my teeth the next morning when Alexa called, crying over another nasty phone call from her ex. I was running late as it was but was unable to stop her barrage of insults against a man I didn’t even know the name of. ‘He’s driving me absolutely insane. I’ve really had enough,’ I heard her shout, the heels of her shoes clicking on the pavement. She was clearly on her way to work while I was only slipping my feet into my shoes. It had been her second frantic call that morning. ‘Listen. Alexa, calm down. I understand you’re upset but I’ll be late if you don’t stop.’ ‘I’m there for you when you need me but when I’m the one in need for once, you fob me off. Great, really nice, thanks.’ She hung up, leaving me in an angry sweat. I was her polar opposite - organized and calm - but lately I felt out of kilter myself. I’d missed out on seeing my mum because, for one reason or another, Alexa managed to ambush my attention. When I eventually rushed through the office door, Alexa was looking up at me indifferently, in deep conversation with Jack, who tapped his watch with pursed lips and raised eyebrows. I lowered my eyes, my stomach heaving with repressed fury. Alexa had crawled under my skin yet I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why and how it had all come about. I hid in the ladies’ toilets, panic rising to my throat, and utterly lost for words. I realised that if it had been Alexa running off, I’d have made sure I was giving her moral support, coaxing her back to work. Where was she now that I needed her? Was I getting hysterical, losing the plot?

Goodreads Link:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36678713-my-sweet-friend?ac=1&from_search=true

Purchase My Sweet Friend Here: https://books2read.com/u/4AwM6d

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com

Giveaway:

Enter for your chance to win a digital copy (Format of Choice) of My Sweet Friend

Link: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/0e7c6a8f28/?

About the Author

Helene Andrea Leuschel grew up in Belgium where she gained a Licentiate in Journalism & Communication, which led to a career in radio and television in Brussels, London and Edinburgh. She now lives with her husband and two children in Portugal and recently acquired a Master of Philosophy with the OU, deepening her passion for the study of the mind. When she is not writing, Helene works as a freelance journalist and teaches yoga.

https://www.facebook.com/HALeuschel

https://twitter.com/HALeuschel

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/15337013.H_A_Leuschel

http://www.heleneleuschel.com

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For more reviews, check out these blogs:

Feb. 19th

Reads & Reels (Feature Promo) http://www.readsandreels.com

Brizzle Lass Books (Excerpt) https://brizzlelassbooks.com

The Repeat Mom (Review) http://Thethreepeatmom.blogspot.com

Sinfully Wicked Reviews (Review) https://sinfullywickedbookreviews.wordpress.com

Nesie’s Place (Review) https://nesiesplace.wordpress.com

Jill’s Book Blog (Review) https://jilljemmett.com

Feb. 20th

Books and Belle (Excerpt) https://booksandbelleblog.wordpress.com

Beware the Reader (Excerpt) http://bewareofthereader.com

Jenacidebybibliophile (Review) https://jenacidebybibliophile.com

Darque Dreamer Reads (Review) https://darquedreamerreads.wordpress.com

Cover to Cover (Excerpt) http://www.liisthinks.wordpress.com

Feb. 21st

Girl Masked (Review) http://girlmasked.wordpress.com

Didi Oviatt (Excerpt) https://didioviatt.wordpress.com

Book Reviews by Shalini (Excerpt) www.bookreviewsbyshalini.wordpress.com

The Starving Book Worm (Review) http://thestarvingbookworm.wordpress.com

Tranquil Dreams (Review) http://klling.wordpress.com

Feb. 22nd

Splashes Into Books (Review) http://splashesintobooks.wordpress.com

Kristin’s Novel Café (Review) https://knovelcafe.wordpress.com

The Bookworm Chronicles (Excerpt) https://www.muretbookworm.wordpress.com

Feb. 23rd

The Orangutan Librarian (Review) https://theorangutanlibrarian.wordpress.com

On the Shelf Book Reviews (Excerpt) https://ontheshelfreviews.wordpress.com

Love Books Group (Review) http://lovebooksgroup.blog/

Just 4 My Books (Review) https://just4mybooks.wordpress.com

My Sweet Friend Blog Tour Participants

BrizzleLass Books

https://brizzlelassbooks.com

The Threepeat Mom Blog

http://Thethreepeatmom.blogspot.com

Nesie’s Place

https://nesiesplace.wordpress.com

Jill’s Book Blog

https://jilljemmett.com

Books and Belle

https://booksandbelleblog.wordpress.com

Beware the Reader

http://bewareofthereader.com

Darque Dreamer Reviews

https://darquedreamerreads.wordpress.com

Cover to Cover

http://www.liisthinks.wordpress.com

Girl Masked

http://girlmasked.wordpress.com

Didi Oviatt

https://didioviatt.wordpress.com

Book Reviews by Shalini

www.bookreviewsbyshalini.wordpress.com

The Starving Book Worm

http://thestarvingbookworm.wordpress.com

Sinfully Wicked Book Reviews

https://sinfullywickedbookreviews.wordpress.com

Tranquil Dreams

http://klling.wordpress.com

Splashes into Books

http://splashesintobooks.wordpress.com

Bookworm Chronicles

https://www.muretbookworm.wordpress.com

The Orangutan Librarian

https://theorangutanlibrarian.wordpress.com

On the Shelf Book Reviews

https://ontheshelfreviews.wordpress.com

Love Books Group

https://lovebooksgroupblog.wordpress.com

Blog Tour: The Shadow Girl by Misty Mount

Genre: YA/ Fantasy/ Coming of Age

Publication Date: December 28, 2017

My Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Synopsis:

Shy, thirteen-year-old Zylia has always known she was different. Most teenagers feel unnoticed and unseen, but for Zylia, it's something much worse. She's disappearing from this world and doesn't know how to stop it. At times, she's not sure she wants to. Until she stumbles across a family mystery surrounding the disappearance of her great-aunt Angelica years earlier. During her quest to unravel the mystery, Zylia discovers she's able to cross the boundary and enter the "in between" world. Now, it's up to Zylia to save herself before she's trapped "in between" forever.

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/37769851-the-shadow-girl?ac=1&from_search=true

Quote Selections

“I have always known that I am invisible—I had no idea that eventually I would fade away completely."

“Blackness. Nothingness. It was in the shape of a giant, hazy shadow, enveloping me, swallowing me, and digesting me into the unknown. It was my biggest fear and my ultimate fate.”

“As the freezing rain hit me, I could feel the stares...smoldering on my skin. I longed for invisibility. At times like this, the very curse that plagued me was also my protection.”

“...in school I felt more undetectable than ever. I walked through the crowded hallways like a human pinball, careening off one person and bouncing into another.”

Excerpt #1

“I did my best to fight and claw my way back to the life I once knew, but panic had taken over and colors were swirling and fading all around me. It was all turning into a great cloud of blackness, just like the one I had seen in my dream. The looming cloud of nothingness I had feared for so long was finally grabbing me, wiping my world dark and blank.

The darkness was thick and intense, an inky void that stretched to eternity in every direction. Eventually, my panic burnt itself out and I simply stayed there in the dark, feeling as if someone had drained my adrenal glands. I was no longer responding to the dark with fear, but acceptance. In fact, curiosity was beginning to take over.

The longer I let myself stare into it, the less dark it appeared. After some time, I realized that it was all different shades of murky black and foggy gray overlapping and undulating, just out of focus. I blinked mentally and suddenly she was there, standing above me with concern etched in sooty-colored lines on her monochromatic face.”

Excerpt #2

“Grandmother looked up just then, staring right into my face with those unblinking, birdlike eyes, and said, “Angelica, is that you?”

I tried to answer her, but my mouth wouldn’t even open. Besides, what would I have said if my voice were to have worked?

“Answer me, you. Why are you always hiding from me?” She was peering so intently that the beam of her vision was surely searing my skin.

The feeling of being watched had always been a phobia of mine, the curse of someone who is used to being invisible. Icy terror washed over me, although I wasn’t sure why. I was only sitting in the cabinetry, but if I hadn’t known any better, it felt like I was being caught in the act of murder, knowing my punishment would be the end of my freedom and life."

Purchase Links:

Amazon:https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078PQ9FPN

Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-shadow-girl-misty-mount/1127748175?ean=9780997939569

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/773764

About the Author

Misty Mount has written since age five and was first published at fourteen. By day she’s a caregiver, wife, and mother to a young son but during the quiet hours of night she becomes a novelist. She resides in Wichita, Kansas.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorMistyMountOfficial/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/mistyamount

@MistyAMount

Giveaway: 1 print copy of The Shadow Girl and 2 digital copies

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