March 9, 2018

Why Does Your Child Need Chores and How To Get Them To Do Chores Without Complaining



Do your kids sit around the house all day while you are slaving away for endless hours? Are they spending too much time on technology (i.e. computers, tablets, phones, and yes! even television) while you are marching around trying to clean up after them? If so, you have come to the right place.

I started taking notice of this a few weeks ago with my own kids. I had become a lazy parent for some time. I didn't like arguing with them to get things done, so I just did it myself. Little did I know, I was actually hindering my kids.

I didn't think that they were ready to take on such tasks. I mean, come on, my daughter is 7 now and she doesn't know how to clean up after herself. I still have to go behind her and brush her teeth when she is done. She is very capable of doing things on her own now, but she is my baby.

This was my mindset. I hate cleaning but I realized I did chores at their age, too. I never thought of brushing my teeth and putting my clothes in the hamper were chores, though. I thought they were just essential life skills.

At the age of two, I think that if a child can make a mess, they can clean it up, too. They know where that toy came from, they can put it right back where they got it. They know how to clean up a spill if they drop their cup, I just have to hand them the towel.

My kids walked all over me while I just slaved away trying to get stuff done, only to get to bedtime and realize I didn't get anything done. As hard as it was on me, I had to realize they were my helpers.



My kids love helping me sweep, fold laundry, and even wipe the table after eating. They see it as a game. But either way, the chore is done. Granted, they know they get points if they do all their chores.

I know it is hard to come to the realization that your kids NEED chores and they SHOULD be helping you do them. I didn't want to make my babies do chores, either.


Let's talk about why our kids need chores... 


1. Chores erase entitlement
Yes, we want to give our little angels everything under the stars. What happens, though, when they become adults? Do we keep them home and do everything for them? Should they expect us to? No. Hard work can go a long way.
I learned how to change a flat tire over the phone when I was 16/17 years old, still in high school, from my dad. Did I whine about wanting him to take off work and lose money to come help me? No, I did not. I was proud to learn how to do this task. There were even some boys from school trying to help me and they couldn't figure it out. I did it! All by myself! And I was proud of myself for what I had achieved.
Let your kids be proud of themselves for reaching goals and accomplishing tasks by themselves. Don't make them feel like it needs to be handed to them or done for them when they are 25 and can't figure out how to make chocolate milk. I knew how to change the oil, a battery, a flat. I knew how to build a house, the names of almost all of the tools (instead of being like a DR. SEUSS book, "hand me that whatchamahoojit"). Kids want to learn and feel accomplished when they know how to do it.

2. Kids learn empathy, especially when they help the family. They learn that helping is rewarding.
As stated above, helping people and knowing/achieving things makes a person feel good inside. They go hand in hand. If they can change a tire, and see someone sitting at the gas station with no one to help them, they feel good knowing they helped that person as well as knowing they can do that task. Rewards don't have to be physical. Learning that when they help mommy with chores lets mommy spend more time with them, it makes them happy.

3. Children learn responsibility and how to accept it.
It teaches our babies how to own up to things they have done. "Mommy, I spilled my drink. Can I have a towel to clean it up?" Or if they are just learning, "Uh-oh, you made a mess. Should we get the towel and clean it up?" This states what they did so they can take responsibility instead of blaming someone else, and that we should clean it up either together or let them do it alone. Helping them at first gets them on the track of doing it by themselves the next time. "Oh my, your room is a mess. Should we clean it up so we can play in here instead of the living room?" Help them remember where the items go, show them so they can do it next time. Teach them that they are responsible for the mess and it's time to clean up now.

4. Chores are essential to learning and developing basic life skills that are needed to survive outside mom and dads home later in life.
They are going to live on their own one day. We can't keep them little forever. As much as we want to. We need to teach them that cleaning is healthy and being organized will help them in their own house one day. We don't want to visit our kids and realize that they don't know how to wash dishes or they can't make a meal to serve guests. We don't want to get a call saying they are stranded because they couldn't change their tire and we have to drive five hours to help them. I don't like depending on people, that was how I was raised. I like things done a certain way, and I like to know I can do it on my own. Our kids need to know how to clean, make a bed, wash their clothes, sweep and mop, brush their teeth, wipe and flush, and so much more. Let them learn while they are young, and then when they are older, like me, they won't see these things as chores. Honestly, they aren't. They are life skills. I learned how to sew my pants when they got holes when I was 12. I taught myself. Sewing is a life skill.

5. Chores can teach a good work ethic.
This goes hand in hand with #1. You want your kids to be hard workers so they can get that job. You don't want them walking around asking for hand-outs.
My husband had a fresh co-worker, who was upset one day. Why? Because she was working there for a week maybe two, and hadn't gotten a promotion yet. Seriously? I don't want my kid to think like that. You have to work hard to get what you want. You don't just show up and expect someone to put money in your hand. This is why we teach them through chores.

Children are helpers. They love to help us do things like washing the dog, wiping down the table, putting dishes in the dishwasher. They don't see it as chores right now. They see it as helping mommy or daddy. Let them help you and one day they will do it by themselves.

*Update: 

My 2 year old decided, after breakfast this morning (3/9/2018), that she wanted to wipe the table like her big sisters. She went and got the sponge and begged me to let her do it.

Sometimes, if they see their older siblings helping, they will want to also. They always follow them around anyway. They learn more from the older ones then they do from you through play and watching. Use that! Example: "Look what big brother is doing. Do you want to try?"


But I have tried to get them to do chores and they just fight me on it.


There are ways to get around this. I know you may want to give up after a few times of endless fights and arguments. I sure did. But I found a way that worked. So can you!


Here are a few ways that might help you get started...

You can start with one chore at a time at first and then introduce more once they get that one down. Slowly, get them used to having more responsibilities in the house.

You can introduce a point system like buttons in a jar.  I started using the app, Chore Monster which works with another app, Mothership. What is that? It is an app that lets me list chores for certain days of the week or every day for each kid. I can also choose rewards. Each time they do a chore, they get points. When they get to check off their chore, a little monster comes on and cheers while jumping up and down shouting "YAY!" Each reward is a certain amount of points. Examples are Game Night-75 points, Movie Night-50 points, Getting Ice Cream-100 points, Get A Toy-500 points. You can change it up all you want. You are in control on Mothership. You can do this with the buttons in a jar, too. You just have to stick to it.

You can use a sticker chart. Once they get a certain amount of sticker they get a prize. Toddlers are happy with just a piece of candy.

If your kids are older and always asking for toys and you want to teach them why they can't always get them, try introducing allowance to teach them how to use money wisely and why they have to work for what they want. Just like you do.

I wrote more about rewards and how to get your kids started on chores and a free Chores By Age Reference Guide. 


Kids need chores! It is essential to their growing up. It is our responsibility to help them grow up and learn these life skills!

I would love to hear your take on how you get your kids to do chores or help out around the house. Or how you feel about kids doing chores. Please feel free to drop a comment below or sign up for my email list and we can chat!

March 5, 2018

Mask Beneath Her Face by Rafael Chandler




Publication Date: October 14, 2017
Genre: Horror/ Thriller
Blurb:
During the 1980s, slashers terrorized America. With
machetes and masks, these unstoppable killers
stalked college campuses, quiet suburbs, and
lakeside cabins.

Thirty years ago, Bobbi Metzger survived a massacre
at her 16th birthday party. She spent decades
putting her life back together.

Tonight, Bobbi will face a new killer: a high-tech
slasher hell-bent on opening the doorway to an
abyss of unimaginable horror.

How long can Bobbi survive this nightmare? What
will she do to protect the people she loves? How
much blood is she willing to spill?

Excerpt


Bobbi Metzger wrenched the hatchet from her boyfriend's skull. In a few minutes, Bobbi thought, I will kill her,
or she will kill me. Either way, this is going to be over soon.
She lurched across the room. Blood-soaked carpet squished under her feet. Red droplets slid down and dripped from
the handmade banner over the doorway: Happy Birthday, Bobbi!
July 1st, 1987, was supposed to be the greatest night of her life. With their parents out of town, Bobbi and her sister
had invited everybody to the lake house, and they'd more or less trashed the place.
Bobbi stepped over a dead body: a girl in acid-washed jeans and a Noid t-shirt. Bobbi didn't recognize her. One of
Megan's friends.
The TV was still on. There was a video on MTV, some new band called Guns N' Roses. Bobbi's sister, Megan, had
switched loyalty from Def Leppard to these guys, because she thought their singer was hot. "I'd feel his serpentine,
anytime."
"Those guys are all gross," Bobbi had said. "Rob Lowe's cute, though."
Megan had pretended to gag.
Thick drops of blood dotted the red icing on Bobbi's cake. A birthday card was propped up next to the cake, and the
message was scrawled in Megan's loopy handwriting: POP THAT CHERRY, BOBBI!
If Bobbi turned her head just a little bit, she would see Megan pinned to the wall with a fireplace poker through her
mouth, blood dripping from the band of her polka-dotted Swatch. Bobbi didn't look. She took another tentative step.
You can do it. You have to. If you don't, you're dead, like everyone else. No choice.
She stepped around the table in the middle of the room.
Heart pounding, Bobbi peeked into the kitchen. Nothing. She looked behind her.
On the couch, Bobbi's boyfriend Kevin stared at her blankly, the hatchet wound like a vertical grin in his forehead.
He wore a CONTRA t-shirt. Kevin spent most of his money down at Galaxy, the arcade at the mall, plugging quarters
into games like Contra and Rastan.
Last night, Kevin had tried to protect Bobbi, throwing himself at the woman in black; but she had plucked the
hatchet from his hand and buried it in his skull, so quickly that Bobbi wasn't sure it had happened at all.
Then the killer had grinned at Bobbi while Kevin slumped backwards onto the couch, the axe handle sticking out of
his skull. Bobbi tried to scream, but couldn't make a sound.
Seven hours later, she was still trying to scream.
She caught a glimpse of herself in hallway mirror; she'd aged thirty years in a single night. The side of her face was
swollen and sunrise-hued, crusted with dark blood.
Suddenly dizzy from pain and blood loss, she stumbled into the kitchen and banged her shin on a keg of beer. She
froze, eyes wide. The killer heard that. She's going to grab me and rip my face off. Hell, she's probably right behind
me. Bobbi turned to look. Nothing.
Carefully stepping around the keg, Bobbi tiptoed into the kitchen. Lipstick-stained cigarette butts spilled out of
ashtrays; empty cans of Coors Light huddled around the sink. Hell of a party, Bobbi thought.
Last night, Bobbi had very nearly taken her first sip of beer, and had (more or less) made up her mind to lose her
virginity to Kevin before the sun came up.
But around midnight, someone had emerged from the woods, right in the middle of Bobbi's sweet-sixteen festivities.
A woman in dark rags, clutching rusty knives, muttering nonsensical words.
A killer.

Hands trembling, Bobbi eased the kitchen drawer open. She paused, listening intently. Nothing. She sniffed the air.
Nothing.
Okay, make it quick. And quiet.
She pocketed a couple of lighters and a book of matches, then snuck out the door, onto the porch. The sun was
coming up.
Her face throbbed where the killer had tried to cut her face off. She had sliced Bobbi from ear to jaw; Bobbi
squirmed free and bolted for the woods.
She thought about running. Then Katie Harper ran past her, into the woods, still naked from skinny-dipping, her
hands covered in blood and her mouth open impossibly wide in a keening wail, and then Katie must have stumbled into
some kind of trap, because a massive wooden spike jabbed straight up out of a pile of leaves and went straight through
Katie's torso, impaling her in mid-stride, and she twitched silently for a few minutes as she hung there.
So Bobbi didn't run.
The police car was still parked in front of the lake house, doors wide open. Someone must have called 911 before
the phone line got cut. Crouching behind their car, the cops had opened fire on the killer, and in return, she had
scattered bits of them all over the lawn.
Bobbi stepped over a cop's leg. Sunlight glinted on ripples in the lake, but there was no movement on the shore. Just
mangled skinny-dippers.
Could get into the police car, maybe grab the radio, and push some buttons. Tell the other police to come quickly.
But no. She'd die waiting for the cops. And if she escaped this alive, she'd never sleep again. She'd go insane
waiting for the killer to find her.
She won't just let me go. I saw her face.
And she wants me dead.
Sunlight glinted off a cops watch; the cops arm, which lay next to an empty bottle of bourbon, had been hacked off
just above the elbow.
From the ragged stump, a drop of blood floated up, like a dandelion seed. Bobbi stared, bewildered. Other drops
beaded up on the torn flesh and cracked bone, and they drifted up into the air, weightless.
Bobbi shook her head. Was she hallucinating? Same thing happened last night, she thought, just before the killer
grabbed me. When she's near, blood floats like we're in outer space. Or maybe I've lost my mind.
Faster now, Bobbi staggered down the gravel path. It veered off the driveway, then split, one end curving over lush
grass to the boathouse, and the other sloping down to the lake. She trudged to shore, then gently stepped onto the
fishing pier.
Nothing on the shore behind her, no movement in the woods, nothing in the windows of the house. Maybe she's
gone. But no, the killer wasn't going to give up, sunlight be damned. She would follow Bobbi.

She had to follow Bobbi, in order for this plan to work...

Add to Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36456476-mask-beneath-her-face

If you love 80’s slasher flicks like Friday the 13 th or Sleepaway Camp, this book’s for you!
Warning: This book contains extreme gore and violence. Not for the faint of heart!

About the Author


Rafael Chandler writes novels (Hexcommunicated, The Astounding Antagonists), video games (SOCOM
4, Rainbow Six: Lockdown, MAG), and tabletop role-playing games (Teratic Tome, Lusus Naturae). He is a
metalhead, a kaijuphile, and a gorehound.

Purchase link: https://www.amazon.com/Mask-Beneath- Face-Rafael- Chandler-
ebook/dp/B076GT2XXC/ref=asap_bc

Author site: http://www.rafaelchandler.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rafaelchandler

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rafael_chandler

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/797404.Rafael_Chandler

Giveaway: Enter for your chance to win a print copy of Mask Beneath Her Face or 1 of 5 digital copies

Rafflecopter Link: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/0e7c6a8f30/?


Tour Organized By:













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March 2, 2018

The Ultimate Guide to Starting Your Child on Chores


I have a 7-year-old, 3-year-old, and a 2-year-old. It took me the longest time to figure out how to get them to help with chores. Not only that, but I had to figure out what chores they were capable of doing at their ages. Have I got your attention? Are you a parent that has struggled with this, too?

This week alone, I have asked them to clean their rooms a handful of times. For some strange reason, they feel the need to drag out EVERY toy they own. Their rooms look like tornados have made their way through. Yes, I said tornados, not tornado. It gets that bad in one day.

I did realize something though. How could I expect my kids to do something that I don't? Cleaning is my worst enemy. I could never figure out the purging either. I am slowly figuring it out now. Long time coming. You need to remember that YOU are the example for your family, not just your kids. Once they noticed that I was trying to finally get my house in complete order, they wanted to help. They helped fold the clothes, load the dishwasher, load the washing machine, put their toys away from the living room, and clean off the table.

What I realized during this whole thing was why they were not cleaning their rooms. The one thing I kept asking them to do. I never really asked them to help with the other chores. Can you guess what I noticed?


If your guess was that I was helping them, telling them, and showing them how and what to clean these areas, YOU GOT IT.

You see, their little minds are still developing. They are sponges that soak up everything. If you show them the first few times, they will figure it out for themselves. They need guidance.

After helping my 3-year-old in her room, she now goes to clean it at least three times a day. I check it out when she is done. Everything is in the correct place.

Now, this was not overnight. We have helped them for the last few years with this.

I want to go through some tools I have started using to get my house in order. These have helped ALL of us dramatically.

I made them a guided cleaning chart.


On this chart, I created 8 boxes. I, then, put the item for them to clean up in words and added a picture for the little ones. So, for dolls and stuffed animals, I found a clip art of a doll and a teddy bear. For books and papers, I put a clip art of a stack of books and one of a sheet of paper. For clothes, I found clip art of a dress, shoes, and pants. You get the idea, right? Simple things that they could recognize and relate to the other items in their room. I created this by making a list of toys that they had and then put like items together on the chart. That way it didn't look like it was a whole bunch of things.


I created a cleaning schedule for me.


Who actually likes cleaning? Especially picking up all day after the kids? It gets exhausting. I get so overwhelmed by messes that I mentally and physically shut down. I can't register what to do first, next, or even last. Are you with me? I, now, have a daily schedule that gives me an idea of what to clean that day along with my daily chores (chores to do every day). I have stuck to this like glue. Not only am I happier that my house is becoming organized and clean, my family is too. I have more time to relax in the evening and more energy because I am not depressed about it anymore.
We all need schedules to help us stay on task and literally stay sane! I always felt that we never needed them when we grow up as much as we did when we were kids. But I feel like I need one now more than ever before. Especially when I am running a house of 5!

I created a reward chart for my kids.


We are still learning how to do this. My 7-year-old NEVER wants to clean her room. She will help with everything else (laundry, loading the dishwasher, wiping down the table, etc.), but she will never clean her room. My mother can't hardly get her to do it. We call her "Grammy's shadow," she literally does everything her Grammy does.
This week she saw a Lego Friends commercial and told me she really wants these legos!
My response, "How can you have legos and not lose them in that mess of a room?" She has lost a lot of her Mixie Q's, tiny like legos, in her mess. We made a Reward chart for this. If she can clean her room every time she is told, at 10 stickers she can earn her Lego Friends.
Some people disagree with the reward charts. For me, it is a visual representation of a goal and it's easy to keep up with and remember. They can visually see how they are doing.


We created a behavior chart.


On this chart, we have tasks.

We gather around the area to review our day and add our stickers. This is part of our bedtime routine. They love telling me how each one has done through the day, but I like for them to own up to their own behaviors instead of relying on one to watch the other. This helps guide them to exercise Self-Discipline.

1. Pick Up My Toys

We have a 10-15 minute clean up time at the end of the day before our bedtime routine. This is when I watch them for the first sticker. Although, we practice clean up all day before we change activities.

2. Be Honest

These girls like to get into things they shouldn't. My two year old mainly. Then she likes to say someone else did it. We don't like to use the word lie, it sounds accusing and you're already setting them up to fail. When we use this word, we might say "Why are you lying?" or we sound harsh at it rolls off the tongue. Instead, we might ask " Are you telling a story? Are you telling the truth? Remember, you get a sticker for being honest and telling me what actually happened." They know that most stories are made up/pretend (i.e. mermaids, dragons, etc.).


3. Be Kind

My children, possibly yours too, fight all the time. This is where we look for being kind to each other. If they get along or help one another with something over 75% of the time, we watch for that to tell us whether they deserve that sticker.


4. Listen and Obey with a Smile

Do your kids throw fits when you tell them to clean up their toys or put their dirty clothes in the hamper? Mine ALWAYS do. Now, I don't expect them to smile while doing these tasks, but I do expect them to not fight and argue or groan and moan about it. We all have things we don't like to do or that we really don't want to do, but we have to. I don't like to clean, but I like a clean house and to be organized. If they listened to me and obeyed me they get a sticker. If they went to do the task I asked but avoided it when I went to check, no sticker.

5. Share

I have all girls. They all like the same things, AT THE SAME TIME. Sharing is a chore. If they played well together and shared their toys with each other, you guessed it, Sticker.

6. Keep your Hands and Feet to Yourself

When they don't share, they fight. If they have hit each other even once, they did not earn this sticker. We are learning other ways to deal with our anger. When my oldest was in PRE-K two years ago, her teacher taught the student how to use their BIG voice. Let me explain. When someone pokes you or takes your toy away without asking, or does something that you don't like, tell them how you feel about it. "I don't like when you steal my stuff." " I don't want to play with you right now, I need some time to my self for a minute." This is your BIG voice. Then, if they don't listen, they have my permission to come tell me and I will better handle it. No one gets kicked, hit, or bitten. Because my older one was using it with my 3-year-old, then 1-year-old, when she started talking she used it, too.

We are already on Day 4 of this chart and my 2-year-old, my most hard-headed, actually earned more than the other two last night. She still has a ways to go, but it is showing some positive effects.


I made a family schedule.


On the first day of using it, I had everything going smooth. During the toddlers' free play time (30 mins), I actually did three chores. New House Record. LOL. I folded three loads of laundry and started a new one, loaded the dishwasher and cleaned counters and stove area, and cleaned bathrooms. Thoroughly, I might add.

How has it affected my toddlers? They watched and sung songs, ate breakfast at the table (with me), went and played upstairs in their rooms, came and helped with lunch, sat at the table with me and ate it (my two-year-old never sits still or at the table when told, my three-year-old hardly eats at this time), then laid down for nap on time. All without a fuss at any time about doing anything they were asked.

Like I said before, we all need schedules. We have become slaves to time. But at some point, we quit looking at the time and it becomes internal. We feel when things need to be done. Have you ever done that? Not looked at the clock for hours on end and went through your day feeling the transitions. Then looked at the time and realized you were right on cue. It's liberating. I get a sense of pride from it. Don't you?


Now, if you are like I was a few weeks ago and have no clue what chores your child can help you with and take off your hands, I have got just the thing.

I scoured the internet and found several different sites that listed different ages and what chores are appropriate for children of these ages. I have also learned these through trial and error with my own kids.

Don't forget, they still need some guidance and someone to look over their shoulder the first few times to get it right. Be patient with them, show them how you like it done so they can remember for the next time. One day, they will be ready to do it all on their own.

Now, as promised, here is a list I have compiled and categorized by age group for you to use and integrate into your home.





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